Stuffed and Tired

I had a moment yesterday where I bailed early on school for the day so that I could go home, listen to music real loud, and clean the house. I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else at that time. The "Rise Above" album from the Dirty Projectors couldn't have come at a better time, and it definitely got the energy in me rolling enough to clean the whole kitchen and the family room, as well as getting my laundry done. It was as if I battled through a moment yet again where I felt really unsure about organized education and my future with the university. The amount of assignments and deadlines can sometimes just overload and hinder my learning experience. Plus, I always kinda question the actual distance we as students share with what we learn and with the people who are actually going through these situations. Life is tough.

Mom sent me a disturbing text earlier this evening, saying that Sarah Gollub's father was killed in a freak dog sledding/snowmobile accident. The initial news to me gave a gut wrenching feeling, but now I'm in a moment where I don't know how to react towards something so terrible happening to a friend that, in some ways, is so distant. Nonetheless, she is definitely in my mind, and I can feel nothing but love for her right now for the trauma she must endure. Mom said she was shocked, too, but she also stated the ultimate truth that sometimes, it is a matter of the destiny of which we can not control.

Today had a positive swing of passion and work ethic. Classes were ok, still too early though. I did a study for a professor, based upon a study of practicing and a questionnaire that asked about spontaneous and more "planned" habits. Afterwards, I had a most fruitful practice session, probably because I scrutinized over warm-up regimes and really concentrated on my breath and relaxation. My radio show today was sloppy and un-energized. Maybe it was the weather, which is cold and cloudy at the moment. It felt good to work out with Andrew and really push myself today, which involved running over 4 miles in a half hour and doing a ton of core work. We hit up Illegal Pete's later, and I think all the working out hindered my appetite for all of my fish burrito.

Andrew and I leave for Albuquerque Saturday morning. We're going to go see a friend of his open for Dredg at the Bluebird, and afterwards I really want to stop by the Hi-Dive to go hang out with the 1190 kiddos. But thinking about it, I'm not sure how really close I've felt with them recently. The whole birthday week was shits and giggles, and maybe I'm just a hardass, but it ALWAYS seems like they're so tied in with each other to a point where I still feel as somewhat of an outsider.

Again, how much of a "break" is this next week going to be? There's still a lot of work and practice to complete...but shit, I think I'll kick back a ton as well. It feels freakin' amazing right now.

-c