strawberry/vanilla coffee

Nothing wakes me up in the morning then a below freezing bike ride to work, dark and early in the morning.

Life comes in waves, and lately it has been a bit of a lull, I suppose. For all the excitement last week, maybe it is nice to have things settle before Vegas/Albuquerque.

Yesterday seemed sluggish. Work with Rachel didn't bring in too many customers, and I wasn't feeling accomplished on my drawing/sketching abilities, probably because I'm still getting back into that game again. At some point in the evening, I started having thoughts of jealousy with Lauren again for all the wrong reasons. I keep thinking of this virginity complex at times, but I have to keep reminding myself that I am not totally innocent either. I kept repeating the idea that "she's totally mind and your totally her's," and just kept in mind that I should have little to complain right now. I went with JJ to the Kitchen Next Door for dinner afterwards, where the breadth of conversation centered around romance again, as well as over two shots of Guatemalan rum he bought for us. I kept getting the feeling the female bartender attending to us probably heard a lot of our conversation. Anyways, it was good to catch up with him, I feel there were many other times between him and I that kept falling apart. We biked home and played two close games of Fifa, and then I was to bed. I asked Lauren if she wanted to talk, but she said she was having too many cramps and was sore and would talk with me tomorrow, so I fell asleep feeling somewhat empty but understanding.

The morning shift is going well. I think Peter and I are becoming better buds to work with, maybe because it feels like we got a bunch of work done quickly in the shop. I am sipping down a drip coffee with strawberry and vanilla cream, pondering how I am going to spend my time back at home. I am feeling a creative overwhelm again, like I am considering if I am trying to do too much with my life again. I feel like there is so long to go before I feel that my music will be as good as my favorite artists, and I am getting to the point of being overcritical of everything again. It is a good time to have this kind of assessment so that I can plan ahead for future productivity and ideas. And hey, maybe it is just an ongoing process of getting over myself still. It can be tough, but I've already grown so strong and have so much time ahead of me.

c