Well I opened my eyes and walked out the door/And the clouds came tumbling down/And it's bye bye, good bye, I tried

There is something special about the feel of this morning today. It is below 26 degrees and still slowly snowing again outside, and I am bundled up on the family room futon, drinking water and orange juice, and rocking out to all sorts of songs with my "pod" at the moment.

I am up from a pretty heavy, yet incredibly fun, night of bars with all sorts of friends last night, and through all the girl thoughts that I have running through my head, I think I am finally moving past some sort of barriers of some fading crushes at this point in my life more and more, and it is a good feeling that I am able to think like that. I think I finally have been able to reach to some important points of reality where I can truly consider that some of the girls in my mind just are not for me. I tend to say "it might be an egotistical musing" a lot, but yet here is another...I think last night was just some inherent truth that the most fun I have had with some selected members of the opposite sex came when I had totally said to myself "You know what? Fuck it. If you can totally see how "weak" some girls can be with their decision making in their lives (probably in many regards), then you can totally see that you would never want to go out with them for that matter."

Or something like that. I think a good, long, drunken talk with Ben Fausch and Curtis helped through all of that. If I did not have them to talk to through last night, I do not know what I could have done. Ben put it out there that sometimes "you just have to find something about a girl that you would not want within a relationship," and "you just have to obsess over that fact to really make a persuasive decision to yourself if you really want to be with that person over that observation or not."

Today feels changed. I do not carry a heart for many of the girls I have been obsessing in my mind lately, and my heart is opening towards others that I feel need my heart more then anything, and other "parts" of my heart that are not so romantically inclined, are coming out for others as well, too. 

Though I am waking early, and will probably crash out as the day grows later, there feels to be a lot ahead for me right now. Reading books? Grabbing more coffee? Drawing pictures? Playing more piano? Listening to more music? All sounds amazing to me, ME, right now. That is love.

-c