infectious

What's Rockin- The Morning Benders

Tonight's been riding a pretty good high on life. Sometimes reading some real inspiring literature and thoroughly constructing some new ideas can get the brain juices flowing real nicely.

What's been going on this spring break? There's been a flurry of sunshine and snow, sky blue days and dark grey days. There's been a lot of reading and a lot of music making. There's been some doubt, and there's been a whole lotta positive insight and motivation.

I've spent some days reading and absorbing myself into more literature for our Chicana studies class, and I've spent some days just messing around and enjoying some music. I've had some pretty killer workouts, and I've had some pretty gnarly moments of procrastinating and staying up way too late without reason.

In some moments, I get all down again, reflecting upon friends and my so-going "one-sidedness" I've had with almost everybody, but then I listen to some music and get all inspired to keep making some new tracks and some new ideas. It's been hella therapeutic and becoming more and more a part of me as I keep going.

I've reflected upon my own desires for the opposite sex lately, and in some weird ways, reading about all this violent and horrible treatment of women in these last couple of books has dissuaded me from those desires in thoughts of guilt about the whole history of this existence. It makes me reflect a lot about maybe how I've treated some girls in my life, and it's like some sort of crazy fear tactic that's keeping me in line. It makes me not want girls in that regard for me right now, and though inevitably at some point in my life I will find somebody to share the rest of my life with, all the other thoughts are taking over my mind right now. It's not like what most guys do and just say "fuck girls! fuck relationships!" in an expression of anger, but I almost feel scared to become a part of this horrid legacy of anti-feminine behavior and would rather take out the energy on myself and make myself a stronger person.

The more I listen to music, the more I keep believing that I will make something people will want to listen to, and I think I've empowered a lot lately from those kinds of thoughts. I don't consider something like this to jinx myself, but I'd rather help push and fuel the creative energy to keep going with what I've already done.

Anyways, spring break= mellow and a great opportunity to concentrate and refocus. I'm looking forward to my parent's visit and flying out to LA in April.

This weekend? I'll be going to the Found Footage Festival tomorrow night in Denver with Sebass, Cook and Catie, and hopefully some others. On Saturday, I'll be playing trombone for one song with Bop Skizzum down in Denver, something Serafin organized for a bunch of us from the music school. It's gonna be pretty friggin' sweet. And then before all of us know it, it's Sunday, and we're faced with the pressure of the following school week.

Let's stay in the moment, shall we?

-c