Strength.

I am unsure what happened this morning. I was awoken far too early, or I went to bed way too late last night after helping Trevor with his application. Cook, Catie, and I went out for breakfast in the area. We tried the Buff restaurant first, but it was mega-packed with hungover rich kids...you know, "brotards" and skanky women...covered in plastic beads and plastic coins from Mardi Gras parties this weekend (what is even the point?). We went to Laudisio on the 29th Street Mall instead...0nly to find that any sort of vegan option on the menu was going to be a challenge. I ended up getting a fruit cup...which I could not even eat, as my throat was not willing to tolerate anything this morning. I am not sure what it was. Catie and Cook's brunch looked pretty good, and subsequently they devoured their meals. By time we walked home, I went straight to my room and lied down on my bed.

This might have been the most crucial part of my day. I just read within If You Want To Write the concept of "idleness" and "letting your imagination soak in the thoughts for your creative outsource." Within just an hour of lying on my bed, I had some huge moments of perspective reflection of my goals in my life. Or at least as many as I know of right now. I kept thinking over and over the possibility of just dropping out of school and then going to live in Dulce and taking a year to learn the language and culture that I am not really sure I was ever genuinely taught as a kid. I want to learn myself and know who I am. It is only a normal sort of reaction to knowing that these guys are loading me with financial security and somehow see a future in my studies. So I started thinking about that last sentence more and more, and the more I keep thinking about it today, the more I keep thinking about something Kenny and I talked about a while ago in terms of that we as a St. Arnold family are going out and doing things that many people on the Dulce reservation have never done with their lives. I am unsure if there is ever another legitimate trombone student back on the reservation. I am unsure if there are as many radio DJs that live over in Dulce that get to have her/his voice heard all over the country and the world. And so forth. Even Mom is still going into some experiences that she is experiencing for the first time. I want to, in my life, keep bringing her to places she still might be afraid to come visit, for whatever reason. It is still shocking that sometimes we as a family have never been overseas.

SO. For all those reasons, I am still finding it OK that I am with a schedule with school, no matter how much of a romanticized thought of "fleeing" ever obsesses with my mind. I am here with objectives and I have to stick with them. For me, for everybody.

So yeah! It was a powerful hour long meditation. After I awoke, I was able to pound down an Amy's quarter-pounder with a heaping scoop of avocado with ketchup and mustard. How about that. I spent the afternoon fixing my Giant at Full Cycle with a tune up and some new tires, which are absolutely (almost) indestructable. I am pretty sure I will buy nothing else but Continental "Gatorskins" for the rest of the time that I will have this bike with my life. I saw Dan and one of his friends biking around while I made my way to campus and over to Norlin to get my schedule ready for the week. I also printed all the readings and got my aural skills lab completed before going to practice at the music school. In the practice room next to me there was a cellist playing this one piece by Bach, I think, in the key of G major, that is one of my favorites. I went to the rec center afterwards, and unexpectedly I met up with Andrew to go for a run. We paced each other really well for a couple laps in, but by 4 miles in I had built a pretty substantial lead on him. We stayed kinda late before getting the boot from the staff, and then we biked home and made dinner while watching Jimmy Kimmel on TV.

This week's challenge is getting a lot of school work done while also getting ready for the jazz concert on Tuesday and then going to two really good shows at the end of the week: A Shoreline Dream on Thursday at the Bluebird and The Omens at the Hi-Dive on Friday. Sounds pretty good to me.

-c