imperialism...

What's Rockin: "Testin Me"- Dudley Perkins

Dad woke me up this morning, and after getting dressed quickly, we went to the Range for breakfast. It took a while to get seated, so we had to eat pretty quickly, as well as go back home to pick up Catie (who was not hungry on account that she was full from the night before) for the movie today, Avatar. I had not thought much of the movie at all, and I felt indifferent upon going into the theater, but, to a "film" sense, it was extremely captivating and incredibly animated, produced, and written for a good story. To a much deeper philosophical sense, it was incredibly apparent and cryptic with messages and overtones of imperialism and likening to the history of Native American populations and Eurocentric civilizations. Whatever the case, it got me all worked up with thoughts and passionate feelings about all that "save the Native" mentality yet again...we went to Chama River afterwards and talked about it for a while. For what reason, I got all worked up with thoughts and emotions that are hard to try to describe on here. Maybe it was another one of those spurring "all talk but no walk" kind of moments, where the whole family knew, and has always known, that shit's been real wrong in history, but we'd rather get right back to our drinks and food and store that "important" memory into the subconscious yet again. I felt nullified to think about drinking or eating meat or anything for the moment, I guess. I called Grandma and told her that I'm coming up to talk with Grandma Lamavia tomorrow. I'm tired of contemplating her health against the necessity of doing an interview with her, and I want to be on the happy-ending side for once.

I stopped by Guitar Center to pick up some headphones, and then at Trevor's family's Boxing Day party, I wasn't feeling the social vibe very well. Maybe it was just too hard of a day after all those thoughts infected my mind. I left and went to Page One to pick up another little notebook, as well as a Spanish verb workbook, and then I spent a while at Satellite drinking tea and just resettling my mind. Later in the night, I failed at going to Golden Pride and Taco Bell, as both places were closed, and I spent some time at Apo's house with Jenks and Chris. They were kinda drunk. We talked and watched some Dirty Jobs on TV, and then I gave Chris a ride home to end the night.

The most important thing to do is just to start doing something, anything, and all that I can plan for me right now is driving up to Dulce to do some of those questions.

-c