Aromatherapy and Naan Bread

Thursday night, in the midst of deliberating working on papers or not, I ended up cleaning my room until three in the morning.

Yesterday was an interesting state of mind. I woke up and did as much of a paper for Afro Am Society as I could in an hour and a half, but then I could only finish to the fourth page before going to class and "finishing" the paper. Not to mention I was late for class and therefore late for a quiz at the beginning. Somehow, though, I have become very apathetic to these matters, as if some part of me is realizing that missing such papers will not end my life. No one is going to come out of some door and kill me on the notion that I did not finish my paper. I guess this is the part where I might start breaking down the notion of "self-discipline" in order to get work done, but somehow thinking ahead of "discipline what for?" has been of more importance. 

That may be a vague way of saying that my values and goals in life right now are still fluctuating. I am just not sure how healthy the energy is for me to be sitting in front of a computer screen for hours reading information and retransferring it onto another computer screen window. The whole process seems somewhat absurd even thinking about it right now. I mean , do not get me wrong, written history and written stories are incredibly important to get some sense in the world, but everything seems so at a point where there is so much information flying into us all at once, and I am unsure if we are able to digest all of it. The most sensible I have felt with my time these days comes with sitting in front of one of my instruments and working on "sounding good," something that does not take a whole realm of study to know if something "sounds good" or does not.

So that was my feeling for that class. I sat and wrote notes but was not really sure if I was actually feeling engaged in the matter. It is not that I do not like the teacher, she seems like a great person, but this is something that has been shaped from years and years of school right now, I guess.

I came home and straightened out the rest of my room. If anything, cleaning my room felt like putting at the very least some sense into my life. Having a clean room in general makes you feel that there is some order going on in your life, even if your mind may be scattered and torn apart. I had an unsuccessful trip to McGuckin's to find a light for a lantern, as well as forgetting to buy some string for the lantern as well, and after a quick nap, I biked to the bus station and cause a bus to Denver to go spend the night with Cook and Catie. On the way down I started to read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". I will have more to say about that sometime later. We went to their house really quick before some tasty noodles and rice at Swing Thai for dinner, and after a whole mess of finding parking and getting money for parking, we went inside the Starz film center for a screening of the "Found Footage Film Festival," which was a hilarious collection of obscure videos collected from all sorts of thrift stores and other random places. Afterwards we went to Village Inn for some more food, and I had a tall glass of milk and a slice of strawberry-rhubarb pie a la mode. I had some trouble swallowing towards the end of my pie, and upon curious inquiry, I asked Cook to hold my hand while I was attempting to swallow some bites, and I am unsure what real things were going on in my mind, but it felt somewhat easier to swallow when I had some physical contact.

That whole notion of physical contact got me into thinking all over again right now that maybe my social networks are not doing so well right now. I see people all over the place anywhere I go, and there are different crowds I see everywhere I go, and I know these people by name and by seeing them with some frequency at these locations, but somehow I just really do not "know" these people. Again, it sees like a really vague way of analyzing the situation, but there are a good number of people that I am unsure I know any more about them other then what we have in common with being at these locations together all the time. I say a lot that I sometimes feel that I do not have "genuine" best friends right now, but I think it is more that I just have not spent time with anyone. And I still ride in my mind sometimes that people are not reaching out to me either. I am sort of lost for that situation, I guess.

I am tired of thinking. I will catch up later.

-c