happiness comes from inside

*sigh*

I woke this morning to Mom and Dad leaving for work. I fell back asleep, and when I did wake up again, I spent a while on the computer. I went for a long run afterwards, and I was out for probably an hour or so. Running felt great, but my hands got a little frozen. After a shower, I spent the afternoon eating and watching some TV with Chey. TV is fucking ridiculous. I went to Satellite to do some homework, and then back at home, we cooked "brinner" with pancakes, eggs, and veggie sausage. I helped clean a little, and after some piano, I've just been thinking about bed again.

It's been a little slow around here lately. I've yet to really see any friends since being back at home just because everyone still has school to take care of. Maybe because of that, I've had somewhat of a negative energy for myself, and I keep running all these regretful thoughts in my head. I start thinking that I should have played piano more and more earlier in my life. I start thinking that I should have taken school more seriously when I was back at home, and that I should have done more with different groups in school. I start thinking about what other people I might have known if I did those things. I start thinking what would've happened if I treated some relationships in my past better.

It's difficult lately to keep reminding myself that I'm 'here' right now, and that I need to keep my attitude proactive, but I can't help but think that I'm trying to do as much as I can before I am out of college. And that's still over a year away. All I'm supposed to do is just to keep trying as fucking hard as I can every day, I suppose. It's been hard finding the right kinds of people to tell me that everything is going good and that I'm gonna be OK after all. I haven't heard that from anyone in a long time, and it sucks.

Just need some love, I guess.

-c