Why would I want to be with anyone who doesn't love me back?

Today was a good start to the break. I woke this morning, and then Lauren called and rewoke me. She seemed a little bugged that me and Daniel weren't awake yet for skiing and snowboarding today. We got ready, loaded my car, picked up Sebass, went to Roma really quickly, and then went to Eldora. There was only one run open today, but we had a lot of fun with it anyways. My snowboard was doing pretty well for the most part, but then I realized the screws started coming loose. For the most part with the "snowboarding" prospect, I was doing fairly well. Only fell on my ass a couple of times. Overall it was a pretty good day. I did laundry and organized some items around the house in the evening. Daniel and I went to Larkburger later, and then we checked out some movies at the Video Station, grabbed a 6 pack, and then played Smash Bros.

I'm getting all torn thinking about romantic inclinations again. Snowboarding today brought back memories of going with Anneli and her family to Durango and the first night we had gotten really close to each other. Seeing Lauren all day just made me think of her the entire time.

I was just feeling worse about it, but I just was reading about the concept of the "twin flame" and soulmates online for a while to try to distract my attention about the whole matter. I read more and more that with THAT kind of person, there lies some sort of connection that seems deeper then anything else out there.

In the shittiest sense, the only way to make me feel better is to just keep convincing myself that Lauren is not that kind of person to me. And that is that, and time will help me accept that reality as days pass. She has caused a lot of unnecessary stress onto my body lately, but that stress, in reality, is my own doing, and she has not chosen me to be that kind of person, and I need to accept that.

Well fuck, going home to the 505 is gonna help a lot in the next coming days.

I can only wonder who the fuck that person is gonna be in my life, though. Still depresses me not having that person.

-c